Ever wondered how life would be if we lived in the wondrous world of Harry Potter? A world in which anything and every thing is possible. A world of fantastic spells and charms… of broomsticks and carpets… of potions and magical creatures.
Think of the various improvements, as well as the havoc we could reek, with the power of hexes firmly under our expertise. Yes the possibilities are endless with magic.
But what on earth is magic? Merriam-Webster defines magic as
“1 a : the use of means (as charms or spells) believed to have supernatural power over natural forces b : magic rites or incantations”
Indubitably there will be some spells that are most commonly used, and out of those, there will be some inevitably favoured by Singaporeans.
Yours Truly chose the most likely common spells that Singaporeans will use nearly everyday.
Silencio (Silencing Charm)
Description: Silences something immediately.
This is an extremely popular spell among people with partners that sound exactly like a scratched CD, though it is usually targeted at members of the distaff.
However use it very wisely, as you could very well find yourself the recipient of one of the Unforgiveable Curses
Muffliato
Description: Keeps nearby people, or those to whom the wand is directed, from hearing nearby conversations.
Good spell for gossipmongers everywhere! Now you can bitch and backstab to your heart’s content without fear of anyone overhearing you!
Unless of course you intended to be heard, you nasty bitch!
Scourgify (Scouring Charm)
Description: Used to clean something.
Cleaning up of the house is now literally as easy as 1, 2 and 3! The legions of housewives, mysophobics and maids will absolutely adore this spell!
Maids can now spend more time chitchatting with fellow maids and their boyfriends! Expect your household phone bill to skyrocket.
Obliviate (Memory Charm)
Description: Used to hide a memory of a particular event.
Forgot your wedding anniversary or your wife’s birthday? Now have no fear guys! With the Obliviate Charm, you can easily get out of harm’s way by casting this spell on her whenever the date draws near!
Or you can use it after you cast Silencio on her, to prevent an Unforgiveable Curse from landing on you!
Imperio (Imperius Curse)
Description: Causes the victim of the curse to obey the spoken/unspoken commands of the caster.
This will be extremely popular among the ruling classes. A favourite of most companies and especially Big Brother, who would cast it as many times as Neville failing Potions!
Sadistic “mums” would absolutely adore this spell. Now your maid is literally at your beck and call! The darling of all possessive partners out there too!
Although it is Unforgiveable… you are not about to let that teensy weensy tiny little detail stop you from casting it are you?
Sonorus
Description: Magnifies the spell caster’s voice, functioning as a magical megaphone
Can’t get your students to pay attention to you in class? Have no fear! Usage of this spell will have them guaranteed to pay absolute attention to you for fear of their ear drums rupturing!
Wives and girlfriends will absolutely love this spell, especially during the football session.
Most importantly, no more sore throat for the National Day Parade Commander! Scream all you want baby!!!
Impedimenta (Impediment Jinx, Impediment Curse)
Description: This powerful spell is capable of tripping, freezing, binding, knocking back and generally impeding the target’s progress towards the caster.
Can’t get onto the train in the morning because of the insane rush of people rushing out? No worries! The Impedimenta Curse will clear a path for you, making it sinfully easy to just stroll inside the train.
Though of course, with everyone blasting at everyone with this spell… hmmmm… try to cast a levitating spell on yourself if the MRT station is above the ground.
Orchideous(Summoning Charm)
Description: Makes a bouquet of flowers appear out of the caster’s wand.
Rejoice all you cheapskates out there!!!! Are prices of roses and flowers in general skyrocketing during Valentine’s Day? Have no fear! With this Charm, you can easily impress your SO with not just 12… not just 99… but 999 roses!!!!!
Just don’t ask how the SO is going to carry them… but wait… there is a levitating charm, right?
Reducio
Description: Makes an enlarged object smaller. Counter-charm to Engorgio.
Move aside, Marie-France and Expressions!
With this spell, every woman can now gorge like a pig yet maintain a slim and svelte figure! No more agonising diets and slow surgery. Say goodbye to potentially dangerous pills too!
Engorgio (Engorgement Charm)
Description: Causes objects to swell in size.
Ladies everywhere rejoice!! I mean let’s face it… bras are for the supporting of breasts. But most Asian women, or rather most Singaporean women that Yours Truly has seen thus far… well not trying to be bitchy here, but what exactly are their bras supporting?
So yes! Now with the Engorgio Charm, there would be no more messy, nasty surgery with possible side effects of being unable to breastfeed! With this spell, every A cup Singaporean woman out there can easily fill out their bra! No more stuffing with tissue papers!
Guys too would will love this spell. No more of stuffing socks down there! Now you can be truly the man you want to be! ROARRRRRR!!!!
So there you go, fellow witches and wizards! The most commonly used everyday spells used by Singaporeans in the wonderful magical world of Harry Potter.
This is Yours Truly signing off now to do a Reducio spell after gorging on a sinful meal of cheesecake!
